When Your Team Hits a Winter Slump, and You Still Have to Lead

"LB, my team member is not taking our meetings seriously." 

I hear some version of this at least once a week from my coaching clients. 

“I’ve told them we need weekly check-ins, but there are always reasons—valid ones—for not attending. We’re friends, and I’m their boss. How do I handle this?”

Have you been there? 

I have—on both sides. As the team member who felt defensive. And as the leader who felt hurt and frustrated. That is, until a critical piece of the conversation was defined: who is having this conversation?

You think that would be obvious.

It’s not.

As a business coach, I see this all the time with clients who are leading teams. You become friends with your teammates, which is great, but only if you have clearly defined roles.

Here’s what that actually looks like.

The Three-Step Role Clarity Conversation

How I coach leaders through this in real life:

1. Define out loud what role you are in within this conversation.
I like word pictures, so I say it plainly, "Hey, I am coming to you with my coaching hat on" or "I'm speaking as your team leader right now, not as your friend." It may feel awkward the first time. Do it anyway.

2. Ask them to match your role.
Remind them if you are coming to them as the leader, you need them to put on their team member hat. "I need you to hear this as my team member, okay?" This isn't harsh. It's clarity. And clarity is kindness. 

3. End with a specific action.
“Based on this conversation, here’s what needs to happen next… What clarity do you need regarding these actions moving forward?" Be concrete and specific. Gray works in some parts of life, but not in conversations where action is needed to deliver specific results.

Winter Energy Is Real, But Standards Still Matter

Here's the thing about those "valid reasons" for missing meetings. They're often more valid during seasons like winter. 

Three team members fighting colds, childcare challenges during school breaks, energy dips that no amount of coffee can fix. This is the reality of leading humans, not robots.

But here's where most leaders get stuck: 

• they either become too lenient (avoiding the hard conversation) 

• or, too rigid (ignoring the human element). 

Neither builds a healthy culture.

The solution isn't to lower your standards or ignore the season. It's to lead with compassionate authority and maintain your expectations while acknowledging the reality your team is navigating.

If team members consistently aren't doing what you've asked, you’re likely "missing" each other in communication. 

This is where tools like DISC (communication) and Working Genius (productivity) help tremendously. But tools only work when role clarity is established first.

The Real Leadership Work

As someone who's been stewarding teams while wrestling with the balance of friendship and leadership, I can tell you this: clarity is kindness. Your team wants to know which hat you're wearing, and they want to succeed in their role.

Before your next challenging conversation, ask yourself: Am I speaking as their friend or their leader? Then say it out loud.

Your team will respect you more. Your meetings will improve. And your leadership will get lighter,not heavier.

If you’re realizing these conversations feel harder than they should, that’s not a personality issue. It’s a structure issue.

This is the kind of work we do in coaching—helping you lead yourself, your team, and your business with clarity instead of chaos.

If that would serve you right now, let’s talk.